Yan Tan Tethera

The Fogartys were always a noble family. No pickpocketers hanged on our family tree..

Here we are! A quarter of the way into the TTC and we read the opening line, “Give up learning and put an end to your troubles.” If I could translate that into Latin (volunteers welcome) and draw Lions Rampant and Dogs Couchant, I would reinvent the heraldic shield of the Clann Ó Fóghartaigh and do away with the old family motto of Fleadh agus Fáilte (“PARTY! ALL WELCOME!”). When I win the lottery and can build my own Academy for the Furthering of Pedagogical Debate, I will hire the best stonemason in the world and ask that she carve out this great truth over the imposing entrance to my walled utopia. If I was David Beckham, I would have these words translated into Gujerati and then tattoo them around my neck.When I die and am laid out to rest, these words will be inscribed upon my headstone. Oh, Lao. You are my one and only true love.

Just call me Bernard, OK?

This begins with one of my favourite exhortations from the TTC. Lao begins section 19 by telling those who are interested to “Give up sainthood, renounce wisdom/And it will be a hundred times better for everyone.” This is what global religions should be founded on: don’t do the difficult things, go for the easy things – it’s a lot better, and the world will still be a better place.

The Chinese Hell has 18 levels. Screw you, Dante!

He never gave a dull class...

When the great Tao is forgotten,

Kindness and morality arise.

When wisdom and intelligence are born,

The great pretense begins.

The disordered family

is full of dutiful children and parents.

The disordered society is full of loyal patriots.

Sjutton också!

This is one of those parts of the TTC that need to be memorised and then lived by, especially if you’re a teacher. It deals with, on the surface, the nature of leadership. Lao favoured the kind of leader who “is barely known by men”. Presumably the women could have his picture all over the ladies’ washroom.

...and now, "The future perfect".

The top dog, says Lao, is the one that nobody realises is there. The one who just lets people get on with things. “WAIT A MINUTE!” shouts the teaching profession, “You can’t just let Them get on with it. There’d be anarchy!” An argument which, when talking to an anarchist, is rather diminished.

Sweet Sixteen

Empty yourself of everything.

Let the mind rest at peace.

This pretty much chimes with what I have recently been reading about time management – the secret is to get everything out of your head and onto a trusted source. Well, I guess that sources don’t come much more trusted than The Source to a taoist. Perhaps my next move should be the Tao of Time Management?

But for now we’re stuck with the tao of teaching.

Fifteen is the number corresponding to The Devil in tarot cards.

Surely a must on any bookshelf?

In this chapter of the TTC, Lao presents us with a description of “the ancient masters”. It’s not the type of description that would be much use in a police witness statement and it puts me in mind of the cartoon Calvin & Hobbes. Calvin, a frighteningly smart six year old, has lost his stuffed tiger, Hobbes. He is distraught and his mum, seeing how upset her little terror is, offers some good advice.

How many legs does a woodlouse have?

Count 'em and weep.

If Chapter 14 had been written by one of my students and handed in to me for marking, my red biro would be running out of ink by now. It’s one of those chapters within the TTC that seems almost impenetrable with its deictic pronouns pointing to…well…to what exactly?

Baker’s Dozen

Accept disgrace willingly.

Accept misfortune as the human condition.

This is the Tao of Ratzinger. Life is suffering. Put up with it. Yet from these two lines, we are going to explore the revolutionary nature of taoism. Have you stripped and cleaned your AK-47? Well, come on then! Let’s go!

Free 2010 Calendar

IELTS Task 1 Calendar

This calendar is my Christmas gift to you. Thanks to Gavin Dudeney for bringing the jokes to my attention.

Cheaper by the dozen

My ying to your yang

This is a pleasant addendum to the previous chapter and is full of some typical Taoist inconsistencies. If you think back to the Taoist symbol, we can see how each side is delineated by the shape of the other side. We can see the white spot in the black mass largely because the black mass defines the shape of the white spot. The white spot therefore needs the black mass in order to exist. It is as much the absence of black as it is the presence of white. Oh yeah, baby.